Imagine ... you’re sitting in a cosy café, sipping your flat white, scrolling through your phone. You see a friend’s post: they’ve just landed a dream job at a company you’ve always admired. Another picture pops up — an old schoolmate has just completed a marathon, looking lean and fit. Then comes a holiday snap from someone lounging on a sun-drenched balcony in Santorini.
In that moment, one of two things usually happens.
You might feel a spark of motivation — “If they can do it, I can too.” Your brain starts ticking. Perhaps you’ll dust off your CV tonight. Maybe you’ll finally get serious about those gym sessions you’ve been putting off.
Or you might feel that familiar twist in your stomach — “I’m so far behind… what’s the point?” Your self-esteem dips a little. Suddenly, your coffee tastes a bit more bitter.
Here’s the thing: comparison isn’t inherently good or bad. It’s a tool — and like any tool, it can either help you build something amazing or hurt you if you use it the wrong way. Some people thrive on it, while others feel weighed down. The real trick is knowing which camp you’re in, and how to make comparison work for you, rather than against you.
Why We Compare Ourselves in the First Place
We humans are wired to compare. It’s part of how we figure out where we stand in the world. Our ancestors compared who was faster, stronger, or better at finding food — and that often determined survival. Today, the stakes aren’t usually life or death, but the instinct lingers.
Social media has amplified this tendency. We now see people’s highlights on a daily basis — the promotions, the holidays, the toned bodies. Rarely do we see the failures, the break-ups, or the days they couldn’t get out of bed. This constant exposure can be either a jet engine or a lead weight, depending on your mindset.
The Motivated Comparer
Let’s start with the people who find fuel in comparison. You might be one of these if:
Seeing someone succeed makes you want to push harder.
You view others’ achievements as proof of what’s possible.
You feel competitive in a healthy way — eager to rise to the challenge.
Example:
Take James, a 32-year-old software engineer. A few months ago, he found out an old uni mate had become a lead developer at a prestigious tech firm. Instead of feeling resentful, James thought, “Right. Time to step up.” He enrolled in an advanced coding course, polished his LinkedIn profile, and within six months landed a higher-paying job himself.
For James, comparison was like spotting a runner ahead of him in a race — it gave him a target, a reason to quicken his pace.
Why it works for them:
These individuals have what psychologists call a “growth mindset” — they believe skills and abilities can be developed through effort. When they see someone excelling, they think, “I can learn from them.”
How to keep it healthy:
Choose your benchmarks wisely. Compare yourself with people just a few steps ahead of you, not miles away.
Ask, don’t envy. Reach out and ask how they achieved what they did — you might pick up valuable tips.
Focus on actions, not outcomes. You can control your efforts, but not always the results.
The Contented Non-Comparer
On the flip side, some people find comparison draining or even destructive. You might be one of these if:
Seeing others succeed makes you feel inadequate.
You focus on your shortcomings rather than possibilities.
You value individuality and dislike measuring yourself against a “standard”.
Example:
Consider Priya, a 28-year-old artist. She used to browse art portfolios online, but the more she did, the more she doubted her own work. She’d think, “I’ll never be as good as them”, and then stop painting for weeks. Eventually, she decided to stop following certain accounts and focus purely on her own creative journey. Her productivity soared — and so did her joy.
For Priya, comparison was like trying to run a race while constantly looking sideways — she kept tripping.
Why it works for them:
These people often have a strong sense of personal values. They measure success by internal standards, not external ones. Removing unnecessary comparisons helps them focus on what matters to them, rather than chasing someone else’s dream.
How to keep it healthy:
Limit exposure. Unfollow or mute accounts that trigger negative self-talk.
Track your own progress. Compare your current self only with your past self.
Celebrate uniqueness. Remind yourself that your life’s “route” doesn’t need to match anyone else’s map.
Comparison in the Academic World
This divide is especially visible among students.
The Inspired Student
Some students thrive when they see their classmates excel. If one person gets an A, they think, “So it’s possible — I can aim for that too.” These students often study in groups, sharing notes, discussing ideas, and pushing each other to do better.
Tip for them:
Keep the competition friendly. Remember that grades aren’t the sole measure of intelligence or potential. Learn from peers, but don’t tie your self-worth to outperforming them.
The Intimidated Student
Others feel crushed when they see a classmate consistently score higher. They start believing they’re “not good enough” and disengage.
Tip for them:
Shift the focus to personal improvement. If you got 60% last time and 65% now, that’s progress. It’s not about catching up to someone else; it’s about moving forward from where you started.
Who Should Compare — and Who Shouldn’t
The simplest answer:
If comparison energises you, spurs you into action, and leaves you feeling hopeful, use it as a tool.
If it deflates you, saps your confidence, or makes you want to give up, step back from it.
There’s no moral superiority in either approach — it’s simply about knowing your wiring.
Making Comparison Work for You — Without Damaging Mental Health
Whether you thrive on comparison or avoid it, there are ways to keep your mental wellbeing intact.
For the Motivated Comparer:
Remember that social media is a highlight reel. Nobody’s life is perfect.
Don’t let admiration turn into obsession.
Keep gratitude in the mix — appreciate what you already have, even as you strive for more.
For the Contented Non-Comparer:
Create your own “scoreboard” based on personal goals.
Seek inspiration from ideas, not people, to avoid unwanted rivalry.
Build an environment where your progress is celebrated without direct comparison.
Real-World Scenarios and Lessons
Career Example:
Motivated comparer: Sees a colleague promoted and decides to take on more projects, attend training, and network more actively.
Non-comparer: Focuses on a career path that suits their lifestyle and values, even if it means progressing at a different pace.
Fitness Example:
Motivated comparer: Uses friends’ fitness achievements as a benchmark — if they can run 10k, they can train for it too.
Non-comparer: Chooses activities they enjoy (yoga, hiking) without feeling pressured to match others’ speed or physique.
Academic Example:
Motivated comparer: Uses top students’ study habits as a blueprint.
Non-comparer: Creates a study plan suited to their strengths and learning style, ignoring “top score” chatter.
The Middle Ground
It’s worth noting that most of us aren’t purely one type or the other. You might find comparison motivating in one area of life but disheartening in another.
Example: You could thrive on career competition but feel demoralised by fitness comparisons. The trick is to adjust your exposure and approach in each domain.
Should You Compare Yourself to Others?
Step 1:
When you see someone doing well, ask yourself:
“Do I feel motivated or discouraged right now?”
If you feel motivated →
✅ Go ahead and compare — but keep it healthy:
Set specific goals based on what you’ve seen.
Learn from the person’s methods, not just their results.
Stay grateful for what’s already good in your life.
If you feel discouraged →
🚫 Pause the comparison:
Limit time on social media or competitive environments.
Focus on your own past progress instead of others.
Choose role models whose journeys feel relatable, not intimidating.
Middle Ground:
🤔 Sometimes you might feel a mix of both — a little motivated, a little overwhelmed. In that case:
Break down the goal into tiny, manageable steps.
Use the positive energy, but protect your self-esteem by setting your own pace.
Final Thoughts: Turning Comparison into Empowerment
At its best, comparison can shine a light on what’s possible, spark ambition, and give us role models to learn from. At its worst, it can rob us of joy, breed resentment, and make us lose sight of our own unique journey.
The key isn’t to stop comparing altogether or to force yourself into competition — it’s to know yourself well enough to decide when to engage and when to look away.
So next time you’re in that café, scrolling through your feed, take a moment to check in with yourself: Is this lighting a fire under me, or putting it out?
If it’s the former, run with it. If it’s the latter, put the phone down, take a sip of your coffee, and remember — your story is unfolding at its own perfect pace.
If you know someone who might find this helpful, don’t keep it to yourself—please share it.
You never know how much of a difference it could make in someone’s life.
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